


If I'm Screaming, Talk Quieter

by AnotherGallavichLove



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Blow Jobs, M/M, Smut, deaf!Ian, pity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-29 14:56:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherGallavichLove/pseuds/AnotherGallavichLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's nothing Ian Gallagher hates more than pity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Keep Looking At Me Like That

From the point when Ian lost his hearing, the Gallaghers had to get creative since they didn’t have a lot of money. Putting Ian’s phone on vibrate and placing it under his pillow to wake him up and act as an alarm was the first step. It was actually kind of smart.

 

The redhead sits up slowly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He feels rested and happy - that is until he unlocks his phone and sees the date. August seventh.

 

During the year that Ian had been without his ability to hear, he had gotten used to it, and it wasn’t too bad. What made him lose his hearing, though - was something he still couldn’t really deal with. Fiona had come with him to classes to learn how to sign in the beginning. Ian gave up pretty quickly, though. He never really saw they point. Yeah, it’d be nice to be able to talk to some people without writing it down or reading lips, but not many people could sign anyway, so what good would it do?Besides, Ian was getting pretty fucking good at reading lips, even if the person was talking a little bit fast.

 

He quickly got dressed in a pair of jeans and one of Lip’s old t shirts. Or maybe it was Ian’s first. They shared the few clothing pieces they had with their brother so much that they lost track of what belonged to who.

 

Ian goes into the bathroom and brushes his teeth before venturing down into the kitchen. Fiona is the only one there, his other siblings always have somewhere to be.

 

”Hey, sunshine” She says, almost unnecessarily slow, but cheery. ”Want breakfast? There’s french toast” Ian nodded, keeping the frown on his face.

 

He had a feeling this day would always be hard to get through. The day that he had lost his hearing. It was a reminder of the idiotic thing his brother had managed to get him in on. Sure, Ian didn’t blame Lip. He couldn’t - his brother had just been a sixteen year old kid with no idea what would happen. Still, he couldn’t be completely happy today, he just couldn’t.

 

”I talked to Debbie about her birthday party” Fiona said slowly, sitting down in front of him to make sure he saw her lips. Ian loved his sister, both of them. But the last thing he felt like thinking about right now was a birthday party. ”She wanted a bouncy house and I said that we’ll see what we can find. She’s so young, she shouldn’t really have to worry about us not having enough money. Still, we’ll make sure to get her a cake, right?” Ian nodded, seeing what she said but he still didn’t really care.

 

Debbie’s birthday was weeks away, and the fact that Fiona was worried about it already told Ian that she loved them all more than she ever had the time to show. Ian loved them all, too but he didn’t have the energy for this. Not now.

 

He stood up, thanking Fiona for the food with one of the few signs they had actually managed to learn before they dropped out of the class.

 

”Gotta get to work” Ian said quietly. Since he had lost his hearing so late in life, he could still talk. That didn’t mean he was completely comfortable talking, he didn’t like doing it amongst a bunch of people. He felt like they were judging him, or worse - looking at him with pity. Fiona nodded and he was out the door.

 

On the walk to the Kash and grab, Ian had some time to think. He wondered if Monica had any idea about the fact that her kid was deaf. Probably not. She would pity him if anybody.

 

He wished he had some friends. Sure, he could talk to Fiona, and Lip. Sometimes even Debbie - and once in a while Carl, but that was only when he wanted someone to knock him on the back of the head and tell him to stop feeling sorry for himself. That was what Carl did best, being insensitive and it was actually nice for a change.

 

Ian couldn’t stop himself from wanting a friend, though. Someone who cared about him, not in a sexual way, or because they were related. Just a friend. The redhead shook it off as he entered the convenience store. The second Ian had lost his hearing, he and Kash stopped fucking around. He couldn’t say he was sad about it, truth is he didn’t miss it. The older man was starting to creep Ian out.

 

What did bother him about that situation, though, was that as soon as Ian couldn’t hear, Kash didn’t want to fuck him. Because somehow, Ian became an invalid. As if he couldn’t take care of himself. He never wanted to fuck Kash again, but every single person in his life had started treating him as someone who couldn’t do anything by themselves. Like he was paralyzed. When in reality, Ian was pretty normal. Except for speaking on the phone, he couldn’t think of a lot of things that he could no longer do.

 

”Ian!” Linda calls as she walks into the store, making sure to face him so he can see her talk. ”We hired a new security guard, I need you to show him around. He’ll be here in a few hours” Ian nodded, despite the fact that he didn’t like where this was going. He hates meeting new people now. The always act completely different as soon as they find out he can’t hear. Never the less, this is his job and he can’t say no to his boss. ”Cheer up, Ian. You’re scaring away customers”

 

As promised, a few hours later, a short guy with jet black hair comes into the store. He looks like the type that Linda would hire to work security. Scary, but not with the eyes of an axe murderer. 

 

Ian swallows and works up the courage to use his vocal chords.

 

”Are you the new security guard?” He asks, and by the look on the man’s face, he didn’t sound too horrible. God, Ian hated talking when he had no idea what he sounded like. Well, he most likely sounded like before, but it was a confidence thing.

 

”Yeah” Is all he says. Ian reaches behind him and pulls out a vest with the word _”Security”_ on it. Jet black inspects it, and as he’s shrugging it on, Ian gets a glimpse of his hands.

 

Fuck. Those tattoos. This guy’s a Milkovich. Mickey, if he remembers correctly.

 

Ian had never had a problem with the Milkovich family, but he knew some people in his family had. Especially Frank and Lip. Ian shook it off, and started organizing the magazine rack, but before he even got to the second row, someone grabbed the back of his shirt and slammed his head down onto the counter.

 

”What the fuck” Ian croakes out. He can almost feel Mickey’s breaths as he talks, but Ian has no idea what he’s saying. Fuck, why didn’t Linda tell him Ian’s was deaf? Not that he wanted the pity, but it’s really fucking annoying when people get mad because they think you’re ignoring them.

 

Mickey finally let’s up, and Ian stands up straight, figuring he was okay since there was no visible blood.

 

”Alright?!” He sees Mickey say. Ian shakes his head quickly and Mickey quirks a brow.

 

”Say… say that again. I couldn’t see” Mickey looks like he can’t decide whether he should be really fucking confused or really fucking violent. ”I’m… I can’t…” Ian mumbles, pointing to his ear.

 

”You’re deaf?” Mickey asks, and Ian nods.

 

”A year now, I thought someone would have told you”

 

”You’re talking” Mickey stated.

 

”Only when I have to. I don’t like it” The redhead explained as quickly as he could.

 

They didn’t say anything after that. The air was softer, though, and Ian didn’t know if it was because Mickey pitied him, or if he just felt bad for bashing him for technically no reason.

 

Although, he doubted a Milkovich would feel any of those things, so he chose to ignore it and keep working.

 

Soon enough, Ian’s shift is over and he exits the store with nothing more but a nod Mickey’s way.

 

Walking home, he realizes that Mickey seemed a lot different than he had imagined. Not that he personally had met any of the Milkovich’s before, he had only seen Terry and one of the older brothers from far away. Still, he decides not to judge Mickey, good or bad. He needs to figure him out first. If he’s gonna be working with the guy he needs to get along with him somewhat, or at least know for sure that he’s an asshole. Ian doesn’t have time to be wary around someone there, he needs his paycheck.

 

The next day, he enters the store for his afternoon shift, and Mickey’s already there. It looks like he’s finishing up some kind of drug deal, but Ian doesn’t have the time or energy to deal with it. As long as he’s not stealing any of the shit from the store, Ian couldn’t care less.

 

He grabs a magazine and sits behind the counter. When Mickey’s off-the-record customer has left, Ian can soon feel Mickey’s eyes on him. He ignores the black haired boy and keeps reading his magazine. Mickey soon goes back to turning the cans so the that label faces outwards.

 

A couple of customers come and go before Ian cracks.

 

”You got a problem?” Mickey turns towards him quickly, Ian figures it probably came out louder than he had intended, but how the fuck should he know?

 

”Me? I don’t got a problem, man” He claims and Ian snorts.

 

”You keep looking at me like that”

 

”Like what?” Mickey asks, getting closer to the register and Ian can tell that he’s raising his voice just by looking at him. The way his eyebrows go all the way up to his hairline, and the way he clenches his fists.

 

”Like I’m some kind of fucking invalid. If you work here, you treat the sad poor deaf boy like everyone else, alright?” Ian snaps, and Mickey looks surprised. For a brief moment, Ian wonders if he said something strange, or made a strange noise. That fear goes away when Mickey looks to lower his voice.

 

”You’re not the fucking boss of me, man. I don’t pity you, I just think you’re fucking pathetic” He spits out before shrugging his vest of, throwing it at Ian before exiting the store.

 

Ian sighs, sitting back down, since he’d stood up in his rage. If Mickey had been the first person too look down at him like that because he was deaf, he probably wouldn’t have been as pissed. Maybe not even at all. The thing, though, is when you’ve dealt with years of pity for something that nobody can fix, something that doesn’t even bother you that much anymore, it all becomes too much.

 

Ian’s next shift is two days later, again the same time as Mickey’s. The redhead is not looking forward to seeing the boy, but then again, it’s just work. No one’s gonna get angry if Ian ignores Mickey - except maybe Mickey. Ian shakes his head in an attempt to get rid of the thoughts.

 

As soon as he enters the store, he sees Mickey in front of him, putting the fruit in it’s place. They don’t wave, don’t nod. Ian just walks to the counter and sits behind it, earning himself a death glare in return for not helping his colleague, but that’s it.

 

Four hours later, they have still not said a single word to each other. Ian can’t help the fact that he misses at least the occasional few word exchanges. He still chooses to continue ignoring Mickey. Ian wouldn’t go out of his way to be able to hear again, he was fine now. He had learned to live with it.

 

The only thing he really wanted that the useless ears made hard to find, was to have someone who cared about him and talked to him without looking like they pitied him. Like they hung out with him because he looked like he needed a friend. He wanted someone to want to be his friend because of who he was. But all anyone seemed to see was a deaf boy.


	2. It's Nothing

A couple of days later, Ian was hurrying through the rain to get to his shift on time - which would turn out to be impossible.

 

Mickey and Ian had successfully ignored each other during the shifts that they worked together. Ian thought that’s what he wanted, but it wasn’t. Sure, Mickey didn’t look at him like he was a skinny kid from Africa without food and water anymore. But that was just it, nothing. No talking, no looking, no nods, no waves.

 

The worst part was that Ian didn’t even know why he felt this way. This guy was a total jackass. At least, that’s what he told himself. Ian had decided to ignore the annoying feeling in the pit of his stomach, telling him that there might be a little something more there.

 

Finally, Ian makes it to the store, and of course Linda has his ass, threatening to fire him. He doesn’t really care, though. She wouldn’t, he works way too hard.

 

Soon, she leaves, saying something about picking her kids up from somewhere. Ian doesn’t listen to anything, because all he can see are the glances Mickey’s sending his way. He’s looking at the redhead in almost the same way he did the first few days when he started. Except, these stares aren’t full of pity. They’re something else, something Ian can’t really place.

 

It makes him slightly nervous, but the look in his eyes doesn’t seem threatening, so he shakes it off and goes to sit behind the counter, waiting for any customers. Ian rings up a few customers before Mickey walks up to the counter to capture his attention.

 

The redhead raises an eyebrow and Mickey sighs.

 

”I don’t pity you, man. And you ain’t pathetic” Ian looks away for a second, trying to keep the smirk off of his face. A Milkovich was apologizing. Not actually with the words, but that seemed to be the gist of it.

 

”You’re apologizing?” Ian asked, probably sounding raspy since he hadn’t spoken in a few days, but he didn’t have the energy to be self conscious about that.

 

”Nah… Maybe, aight? Look this thing’s gonna go a lot smoother if we get along” He said, gesturing around the store. Ian stopped for a second, thinking it over.

 

On one hand, it would be nice to at least get along with the guy he had to spend hours with almost everyday. On the other hand, he was Mickey Milkovich and while Ian did believe he wasn’t his reputation, it wouldn’t be smart to just trust him right off the bat.

 

”Alright. We’re good” He forces out of him, anyway. And it seems to be enough, because Mickey nods and goes back to what he was previously doing.

 

Ian allows himself to think for a second, stealing short glances at the other man. Why would he care if they got along or not? The Milkovich’s didn’t exactly avoid big fights, everyone knew that - but that seemed to be exactly what Mickey was doing. A small part of Ian was still worried that Mickey pitied him, but when he thought about it more and more, nothing seemed to point to that.

 

First of all, the looks he was giving him now weren’t filled with pity, they were filled with something else. Something Ian still couldn’t place, no matter how much he may want to.

 

The second thing was that Mickey had told him he didn’t pity him, and Ian didn’t see anything on his face that would indicate that he was lying. Facial expressions was something Ian was very fascinated with now that he couldn’t hear anymore.

 

Nearing the end of the shift Ian’s still not any closer to figuring Mickey out. He’s caught himself looking at the older guy a little bit too much, though. He curses himself, he really does, but he can’t seem to help it. The only thing he can do is to try to keep himself from looking at Mickey’s ass whenever he bends over, and not let on what he’s feeling. If Mickey Milkovich knew that a guy was thinking about fucking him, long and hard, no doubt he’d kill him.

 

Ian shook it off best as he could before nodding goodbye to Mickey and walking out of the store.

 

Two days later, he enters the store for his late night shift which he actually doesn’t mind working. More people come in at night, if he works the morning or afternoon shift, he’s just sitting on his ass for hours doing nothing, which gets boring really fucking fast.

 

Apparently Linda has put their shifts together, which Ian doesn’t really get, but he guesses it’s because he has the balls to tell the thug off if he tries something with the store. Not that Ian believes he would, probation and all.

 

He and Mickey do their routine nods of acknowledgement and Ian goes to sit behind the counter. Ian can feel Mickey’s eyes on him, but shakes it off. They may just be curious looks.

 

The redhead rings up a few customers within the first hour, in between he jumps between reading Guns and Ammo and different comic books.

 

Mickey soon jabs his arm to get his attention. Ian puts down the magazine and looks up at him, waiting for him to say something. The thug seems to be thinking over his words, thumbing nervously at his lip. Ian never in his life thought he would see a Milkovich nervous, not even the girl.

 

”What’s it like?” Mickey mouths. Well, speaks - but it’s all the same to Ian.

 

”Being deaf?” Ian croakes out. Mickey nods, thumbing at his lip again. ”Not so bad” The redhead answers hesitantly. He doesn’t really know where all of this is going yet.

 

”It’s not strange?” Ian tears his eyes away from Mickey for a second thinking over both the question and whether or not he should answer.

 

”At first. You get used to it” Ian answered shortly. Mickey nodded for a second.

 

”How...?” Mickey looks to be cursing at himself, so Ian decides to put him out of his misery.

 

”How did it happen?” He guesses and Mickey nods slowly. He hasn’t lost his edge, but he does look more insecure now than he ever has before. Ian guesses it’s because he wants to know these things, but isn’t sure how to ask them. ”Huge fireworks, dumb teenagers” Ian smirked, trying to lighten the mood.

 

Mickey didn’t even try to smile.

 

”You ever thought about… going to see a, you know… doctor? Get it back?” Ian thinks for a second. It honestly hadn’t crossed his mind, but now that Mickey mentioned it, he knew his answer immediately.

 

”Nah”

 

”No? Never?” Ian laughed a little bit.

 

”Nah, why would I? I mean, I’m good now. I actually don’t mind it anymore” Mickey nods. Ian had no idea why he was saying all of these things. He wasn’t lying, but it was usually a really sore subject for him. Especially how it happened, but he’d said that out loud without hesitation.

 

Something about Mickey just made Ian feel calm, and it was strange, because he couldn’t really remember ever feeling that way with someone.

 

Sure, he felt calm with Fiona, and sometimes with Lip. But it was like they didn’t really care as much as he would have liked them to.

 

They keep talking for a while, and Ian feels himself calming down even more. At first, Ian thought that what he felt towards Mickey was merely a physical attraction, something that could be cured with a quick, hard fuck - not that that would ever happen - but soon Ian realizes that maybe it’s more than that.

 

Maybe he’s attracted to Mickey’s personality, maybe he even likes Mickey as a person.

 

As soon as Ian realizes that that may very well be the case, he’s ready to jump off of a cliff into a swamp with alligators. How could he be so fucking stupid? Ian’s not ashamed of being gay, quite the opposite, but he’s already getting beat downs for being deaf.

 

It was dangerous enough just being gay in this neighborhood, he wasn’t gonna be the deaf gay kid. Which meant he had to keep his feelings to himself, because his and Mickey’s friendship was actually turning out to be a good thing.

 

The last thing he wanted was to have Mickey realize what he was feeling, because that would surely travel back to his father and brothers, unless he killed him himself.

 

When they get back to work, he keeps feeling Mickey’s eyes on him. The way he’s looking at Ian feels like the way Ian looks at him when his attention is elsewhere.

 

Ian soon shakes it off. It’s nothing.


	3. Figured You'd Like That

A week later, nothing has really changed. They only thing that has is the fact that Ian is finding it harder and harder to hide his attraction to Mickey. And by now he had admitted it to himself - he had a massive crush on the thug.

 

What kept him at bay was the fact that Mickey was not only straight, but most likely homophobic. Ian kept his feelings to himself, and they kept getting along, if Ian didn’t know better, he’d almost say that Mickey was his best friend.

 

In the beginning, when Mickey started talking to him more and more, he still kind of assumed that he pitied him anyway, no matter how much he’d denied it.

 

Then something changed, and if Ian wasn’t confused before, he was now. Since he couldn’t hear anything, in the past year, he’d become pretty good at reading people based on their facial expressions and body language.

 

With what Mickey was doing, it seemed like he was almost…. curious? Like he wanted something from Ian. Ian wasn’t an idiot, he knew what he thought he saw in the looks that Mickey was throwing his way when he thought Ian wasn’t looking. He just was starting to doubt his superpower.

 

”I got a question” Mickey asked him one day when Ian had just finished ringing up a customer.

 

”Shoot” Ian said, focusing his eyes on the older man’s lips, as always. Lately, though - it had gotten harder and harder to focus on reading them, and not get lost in what they would feel like pressed against his.

 

”What’s the fucking like?” Okay, Ian was pretty sure he had read that wrong.

 

”The fucking?” Mickey nodded.

 

”Yeah, man. It better or worse?” Ian looked away for a second, was Mickey asking him about this because he needed a way to make a move, or because he just wanted to know? Ian had no idea, so he decided to just answer seriously.

 

”Better”

 

”Really?”

 

”Yeah, you can only focus on what it looks like, what it feels like” Ian said truthfully. Sure, later in life maybe he would like to hear his partner in bed. But he couldn’t, and what he said was the truth. Sex, along with some other things got better with losing a sense.

 

Mickey stared at him up and down for a second, and Ian couldn’t take it anymore. Fuck it.

 

”You wanna see what it’s like?”

 

”The fuck was that?” No turning back now. Fuck. Ian picked up a pair of earplugs from a basket behind the counter and put them in front of Mickey.

 

The thug was still for a second, long enough that Ian was sure he was going to get beat up. Badly.

 

Suddenly, though, Mickey slowly walked over to the door and locked it. Then he grabbed the earplugs and went towards the backroom. Ian following.

 

Ian sheds his t shirt as soon as he enters the room, closing the door tightly behind him.

 

Mickey quickly tears the packet open, putting the earplugs in his ears.

 

Didn’t do much good, but it was an excuse to fuck Ian. Or have Ian fuck him. Whatever.

 

Ian walks quickly up to him and presses their bodies together tightly.

 

Mickey can see that Ian’s on his way to kiss him, and debates pushing him away. He doesn’t, though. He can’t.

 

The thug leans into the kiss, even enjoying the way their tongues seem to fit together perfectly, sliding over each other.

 

Mickey wants to ignore the fire in his stomach, say that it’s pure physical attraction, but he knows he’d be lying. He still can’t bring himself to pull away, or even give a fuck, though.

 

Their mouths keep moving together until all of their clothes are off, and Ian’s pressing Mickey against one of the metal shelves. Mickey feels it digging cold into his back, but still can’t bring himself to change their position.

 

Ian grins when he feels Mickey’s hands digging into his ass.

 

”Eager?” Mickey hears the younger boy whisper against his lips.

 

Ian doesn't wait for an answer before he sinks down onto his knees and takes Mickey into his mouth. The thug bites his lip harshly, almost tasting blood. Ian was good at this, so fucking good. Fuck. Mickey lets himself enjoy the blowjob for a second, sinking his fingers into the ginger hair.

 

Soon, though - he pulls Ian up and the redhead seems to understand. He wants more.

 

When Ian squeezes some of the lube he’d grabbed onto his fingers and starts preparing Mickey, he whines. Actually whines. If he wasn’t so horny and so far gone, he’d probably be embarrassed about the fact that he was a Milkovich, and making these weak sounds. But for now, he didn’t give a shit.

 

Soon enough, Ian was bending Mickey over and slowly pressing into him. Ian was sure he was letting out all kinds of sounds when Mickey’s ass swallowed the tip of his dick, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

The way the older boy’s muscles were clenching around his cock was pure bliss, there was no other way to describe it. Ian had fucked plenty of guys before - actually just three, excluding Mickey, but for his age, he chose to believe it was a lot - none of them had ever felt like this.

 

He had never wanted to feel every inch of them as they took him inside of them. He had never wanted to press soft kisses against their neck and back, and make sure he wasn’t hurting them too much.

 

This was almost too much for him, and it felt so good.

 

”Fuck” He breathed out. He had a feeling the thug wasn’t being too quiet either, but he wouldn’t know. He wished he did. Just once, he wished he could hear what he was doing to this boy in front of him.

 

Ian started fucking him even deeper, harder because he had a sense that it was what they both wanted, needed.

 

Mickey’s eyes wandered to where Ian was holding the shelf to steady himself, and the thug let himself put his hand over Ian’s, squeezing.

 

It wasn’t something Mickey had never seen himself doing. It was such a small gesture, but something so big for a Milkovich, especially Mickey.

 

Ian soon changed his angle slightly, hitting that special place inside of Mickey that had him howling and coming within seconds.

 

The feeling of Mickey shaking through his orgasm soon sent Ian over the edge, spilling into the condom.

 

Ian leaned against Mickey’s back for a second as they caught their breath.

 

As much as Mickey hated to admit it, or at least knew he shouldn’t admit it - this was the best fuck of his life. Not any girl, or even any quick alley fuck with a guy could ever come close. He had yet to figure out why.

 

”Damn, Gallagher” Mickey said when he’d turned around and Ian was getting rid of the used condom.

 

”Figured you’d like that” Ian said smugly.

 

Then all the confidence disappeared from his face and was replaced with nervousness as he slowly leaned forward.

 

Mickey realized what he was doing, and couldn’t bring himself to stop it. Their lips met, and although it was more than a peck, it wasn’t heated.

 

It was reassuring.

 

A promise that whatever this was, it wasn’t only a fuck.

 

”Come on, man. Gotta get back to work”

 

Ian smiled to himself as Mickey quickly got dressed before heading back out into the store.

 

Maybe this whole being deaf thing was a lot more good than bad. It seemed to have gotten him a boyfriend.


End file.
